Newbie

Today was the day that my worst fear but biggest blessing happened.  I never thought I would be a good mother until the past 2 years or so.  I was selfish and unsure before, but now have a sense of calm about it.  I just lost my own mother which has cut me deeply.  I wanted to call her today but couldn't.  The statement "I don't have a mother" keeps repeating in my head.  I feel bad for those young kids who lose their parents at a young age.  I have no idea how to fill the void, and there is a feeling of fear that I lost one of the two people who have to love me unconditionally and would stand up for me no matter what.  Luckily, I have great friends and extended family who I have spent numerous hours with and love like....family.